Dear 2018,
As I sit and reflect on you, all I can say is thank you, motherfucking next! Lmao
Going into this year I was optimistic and hopeful that you would be full of some monumental changes. I knew that my job of almost 4 years was going to be closing, and that I would be forced to make some big moves. Ready and accepting, I welcomed you with open arms. Little did I know you had intentions of your own for me.
For the first 4 months you decided to challenge me with health issues. Debilitating ovarian pain like I had never felt before. The doctor's found an ovarian cyst that they thought was causing the pain. However, after the cyst dissipated, the pain remained consistent and extremely strong. All the hospital visits and misdiagnoses really wore on my heart and though I tried to be strong, it was a true hardship on my life.
I couldn't work, I couldn't be far away from home, the medical bills started piling up... it was a test unlike any other I had yet to face. Some doctor's said it might be signs of endometriosis, bladder issues, some thought it could be intestinal problems, some flat out said I was making it up. My mental health deteriorated significantly in those 4 months. I felt like everything in my world stopped and the rest of the world didn't skip a beat. I started feeling worthless, if it wasn't for my family and close friends, I would not have been able to get through it.
Still in pain, I returned to work with 3 months to spare until the restaurant closed. I thought I was set when I found a new "dream" job that would carry me once the restaurant closed. I worked for 3 weeks and suddenly was let go without reason. Almost immediately, I found out I was replaced with my ex boss's best friend which I feel was the real reason I was let go. So on the same day that my long-time job closed it's doors for good, I also lost my new job that I thought was going to be my big break and new found security. The last 6 months of has consisted of unemployment and countless unfruitful interviews.
Even though you were a harsh cold bitch most of the time, you also brought smiles and moments of joy. There were relationships strengthened, relationships lost, a few short trips taken, and awakening experiences that reminded me that all the negativity was only temporary. These events were all for the best, I learned more about myself this year than I ever have. I learned endurance, I saw who I could really depend on, and I learned the true meaning of perseverance. It was definitely meant to be a year of growth for me.
Like a bad break-up, I'm glad we are over but I'm appreciative of what we had. I feel like you wanted to open my eyes and teach me that even though things don't go as you expected or planned for, we just have to roll with the punches. As I said in The Art of Failing, as long as I'm working towards progression, there is no shame in failed attempts. Everything happens for a reason, or at least that's what everyone keeps telling me. It is ok to be sad, feel frustration and anger... the important part is that you pick yourself up and keep pushing forward. 2018, you made me a stronger person and for that I lovingly say, I will always remember you. Instead of expecting things in 2019, I will try to use the lessons of this year to adapt, be intentional, and most importantly, strive to be a better person. Thank you!
With Love,
Mary
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