Growing up in a very open family, there weren't many secrets in our household. I think being an only child aided in the fact that I was always spoken to as an adult and there were few boundaries or subjects that were unspoken of. In a lot of ways it helped me advance, however, it also has played a role in me sharing too much of myself with others.
As an adult, I've built friendships over the years with people who have become like family to me. Friends that have taken the place of the siblings that I never had. These relationships have meant so much to me and have really helped me through some hard situations. But at what toll on them? This year I have realized that I have had a bad habit of spilling the tea with my close friends... but not just your regular juicy gossip tea, the more daunting type of tea, emotional tea I like to call it.
As previously discussed in my other blogs, this year has been particularly tough on me. I think that my dark point of view really became a prominent element which shadowed topics in my conversations with others. I feel like during that time I was constantly focusing on all the unfortunate aspects of my life instead of seeing any of the positive. It wasn't until summer that one of my best friends told me that they were purposely putting distance between us because the negativity was becoming a little too overwhelming for them. At first I was taken back by this, but after a some thought it made complete sense to me. I can't expect others, regardless of how close they are to me, to take on my burdens. I needed to be more respectful of their mental state and whether or not they had room for me to spill my emotional tea.
I read something the other day that resonated with me, it basically said that if you feel the need to share something emotionally heavy with someone, regardless of their relationship to you, you should ask their permission first by simply saying, "do you have the mental space for this right now?". By respecting this boundary and not demanding that a loved one spend emotional energy (that they may not have that day) is seriously something that I never had thought of before. Emotional intelligence at its finest...
I am making it a priority in 2019 to acknowledge this boundary and respect the emotional energy of my family and friends. I am so grateful to my good friend who made me aware of my fault, as well as to my other friends who silently have taken on my struggles during dark periods. Now that this year is wrapping up, I look forward to brighter days and being more mindful about my tone, conversations, and the type of energy I am bringing to those around me. Spilling emotional tea is necessary sometimes, but it should never come at the cost of jeopardizing someone else's well-being or pushing others away.
Happy New Year! May your 2019 be the best yet! I have a feeling mine will!
XOXO-M
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